The 8th Deadly Sin

I am not clear why Chaucer didn't include murder and lying on his famous list. Those two seem so much more egregious than Greed. Or Anger.

So while we are adding other obvious ommissions, here's another one that clearly belongs:

de·ni·al    Audio Help   (dĭ-nī'əl)  Pronunciation Key 
n.  

1. A refusal to comply with or satisfy a request.
1. A refusal to grant the truth of a statement or allegation; a contradiction.
2. A refusal to accept or believe something, such as a doctrine or belief.
3. Psychology An unconscious defense mechanism characterized by refusal to acknowledge painful realities, thoughts, or feelings.

The act of disowning or disavowing; repudiation.

Abstinence; self-denial.

Denial is a nasty place to get stuck. But we all spend a lot of time there. What makes it so alluring? It is so not a fun place! It's a quicksand that eats not just moments in time but whole years and even entire lives

Denial seems to be the end result of lying to one's self. The truth is seen as scary, though; that is without question. It's part of why we lie to each other so much. We don't really want to know the truth, and even though a majority of people polled will consistently say that lying is never justified (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13819740/), they still do it themselves. Because the Truth is Scary. (Why is the Truth so scary? That will have to wait for another entry.)

So is denial rooted in fear? If so, it is horrible to make decisions rooted in fear. I think of all the things I have done, small and large, just because I was scared of an outcome: lying about where I've been, choosing one job over another, taking one trip instead of another. I have even entered marriage based on denial and fear! 

I too often use fear like a tool, like a divining rod or winnowing tool to make decisions. Which answer/choice/outcome scares me least? Which will cause the least pain?

Fear should not be a tool to make decisions. It should be a tool to save my life, to help me engage the "fight or flee" survival response. When I allow fear to dictate any non-lethal situation, I am depriving myself of the chance to grow, to challenge my boundaries, to evolve.

That is not the kind of life I want to live.