^ Unconditional Love
Presumably, all humans long for unconditional love. (This isfar more plausible than the previous posit from yesterday’s post, where St.Augustine suggests everyone longs for god and eternallife. Ummm, no.) Certainly I’m familiar with that longing, and the challengefor me has always been two pronged: who can provide such a thing, and what doesit look like?
Most folks would say “Parents love unconditionally,” andwhile maybe that’s true on some deep level, the surface frequently looks verymuch NOT like love, much less something that’s unqualified and freely given.
So I start first with my definition of “unconditional love,”and it’s pretty straightforward – love that has no conditions on it. “I loveyou. Regardless of what you do or any other qualifier.” Frankly, this seemsimpossible to me. Love is more than a concept; it’s something that has to beexpressed in order to be understood. (I do not support the suggestion that lovecan exist in a vacuum, like “brotherly love.” If love exists, there should beevidence. If you have brotherly love, you will treat your fellow humans withcourteousness and deference. The proof of love is in the actions.)
Since love must be expressed to be known, to be “of use,”it’s arguable that it can’t exist or be perceived without communication, whichis more often done by actions and less by words. (What’s the phrase about talkbeing cheap?) Going back to the parental scenario … how many parents put allkinds of qualifiers around how they love their kids? MOST. Sure, most parentswill love their offspring no matter how horrifically they behave. I’m sureCharles Manson’s mother loved him despite his crimes. And yet the devil is inthe details: he can murder and cause mayhem and she will support him, but if hedoesn’t call her enough, or marry properly, or have the requisite number ofgrand children, or live close enough. I’d argue that the reality – love – istoo polluted by these trappings of requirements, and thus the love becomes“conditional,” regardless of what is intended.
Relationships with lovers become even more fraught withqualifiers. I just don’t think I could continue to love someone who didn’t loveme back. Who didn’t support me. Who argued with me constantly or undermined mygoals. I couldn’t love someone who habitually cheated on me, or lied to me. Areyou getting my drift here? It’s not easy to promise unconditional love, whichmakes it hard for me to imagine what good modern marriage is if there’s noreason to marry for land or family protections.
God promises no unconditional love either. You might be hiscreation, but you can be lost. You can break many hundreds of rules and be lostto him. Which means his love is anything BUT unconditional!
I don’t know. I feel like the concept of unconditional loveis in all likelihood a false one. It seems unsustainable at best and whollyimpossible at worst.