* The Secrets We Keep

A coworker called me an "idealist" today. For a moment, I was thunderstruck. ME? Miss Queen of Bitter Reality? I thought perhaps he'd had alcohol for lunch, or perhaps he'd taken a few too many muscle relaxers for his back pain. But after he explained himself, I began to realize -- he's right.

Whoa. This is an incredibly sunny descriptor for me, something I'm in no way familiar or accustomed to -- people come to me for The Truth. They come to me for usually Hard Truths. Not Idealism. But in wishing for the best, in pushing people for their own best, I realize that this is true idealism, and I kind of preen to view myself in this way, to realize that he sees me in this flattering and positive light.

And I also don't share this observation with anyone. For some reason I have not yet figured out, I haven't told any of my Posse about this radical shift in my own perspective. I just want to treasure it a little bit, maybe even digest more deeply what it might mean for me to no longer feel the (Don't Shoot the) Messenger, but more ... Bringer of Glad Tidings.

And I also understand that my keeping of this secret says as much about me, if not more than, the things I transparently share every day of my life. In reality, I suspect that what we DON'T tell others is more telling than what we DO.