Toxic (Crop) Circles
Free -- finally -- of the Salt Mine as of March 1st, it struck me that two profoundly nasty people in my recent experience actually came into my life via my first tour at the Salt Mine a few years back, not long after I'd moved to the Pacific Northwest. And the connection of such a nasty place and such nasty people made me wonder if the New Age types, with their "energy vortexes" and "bad karma" aren't at least loosely onto something.
One of my more annoying or endearing traits (you, dear Reader, get to decide for yourself) is my tendency to nickname things. If I really like you? You will get a nickname, or more likely several. If I loathe you? Unfortunately I'm also inclined to nickname you. So fuck and alas, those of you who know me can't really use the nickname thing as a bright-line test about my affections. Sorry about that.
The good news is that the Loathed group usually gets pretty negative monikers. It doesn't take an astrophysicist to discern that if I call you "Harpy," I'm not your biggest fan. And these two gentlemen I refer to above, they got the names Smarm and Pinch. See? No degree in higher physics required. I was very much *not* a fan of either.
Pinch came into my life first. A flaming queen, he was all broad gestures and dramatic, declarative statements. I don't begrudge anyone the right to let their Gay Flame burn bright, but this was egregiously over the top. He also has a huge chip on his shoulder about apparently every facet of his existence. He doesn't think he is smart enough, thin enough, cute enough, rich enough -- nothing is enough. I assume this drives his Palpable Personality. He and I got along well enough, in the superficial, "I'm tolerating you because I work with you" way, until I went to work at a local organization *he* apparently wanted to work for, but his (1) lack of college degree, and (2) HUGE and highly visible shoulder chip, clearly kept him out of the running for the job I got. Then they hired another accountant to work beneath me, a position that *also* required a college degree, and for some reason this job requirement escaped him, and he became Scorn Personified and hated my existence on this planet because I wasn't able to help him get hired. He wrote letters to the paper about the "discriminatory practices" of my new employer; he talked about me negatively to other people. Toxic Nutter: party of one.
Enter the Smarm (short for "smarmy"). Ironcially, he too was a stereotypical Gay Archetype. Mr. It-Better-Be-Kenneth-Cole-or-It-Can't-Be-Worn-on-My-Body. He name-branded *everything,* insisted on high-priced hotels whenever we traveled with him, he name dropped, he preened, he put on airs. He was Insufferable. But he could be entertaining at times, and hey -- everyone's got some tic or quirk, so I put up with him. Until he fell in with Pinch and somehow the two of them bonded in their noisome hatred of everyone who isn't Them, and that was just the limit of my endurance.
I met both of these men at the Salt Mine. Both of these men were self-myopic, superficial, attention hogs. They revolved around each other, and themselves, and no one else. In fact, a passerby would be drawn into the gravity well these two Death Stars created in their unusual affinity. In retrospect, I have to wonder what other nasty people are lurking in the fetid halls of that soul-sucking place I called the Salt Mine. And can such places draw in people with similar negative auras? Normally I think this kind of thinking is silliness. That doesn't change the fact that I think the Salt Mine *deserves* Pinch and the Smarm. Toxic crop circles seem to be fitting reservoirs for these two Rodents of Unusual Size (see a scene from "The Princess Bride" for "ROUS's" at YouTube).