R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!
Thanks, Aretha. I'm going to tell you what "respect" means to "me."
It is important to understand that respect is truly about our selves, and our own value judgments. It is a highly subjective construct -- respect -- and conventionally, most cultures agree that respect is something that is earned by another, and not a gift to be given emptily. Even the "respect your elders" bit roots in the reality that elders earn some base of respect for lasting so long. And they give up that fundamental respect if they prove themselves unworthy or incapable of returning respect to others.
Let's begin:
I am frequently struck by the tendency of religious believers to consistently value style over substance. Appearances over reality. Platitudes over content. I don't know *why* this shocks me so routinely; these are the same populations that generally believe in invisible friends and talking snakes and piety over parity. It seems (dare I say) predestined that these same folks would have very low thresholds for real-world challenging of them on their "beliefs" and very little in the way of appreciation for their own "respect someone who disagrees with you!" pontificating.
To a remarkably consistent degree, they want me to "respect their beliefs." Um. No. I won't do that. And here's why: first and foremost, if one believes that eating cotton candy will make one sprout wings and hover like a helicopter, I don't have to respect that belief. Just because one holds a belief doesn't mean that belief deserves anything. Now, a man who holds a belief in the face of great torture might deserve some respect, but he deserves it for enduring the torture, not for holding the belief. He's got SPINE because he endures, because he acted on a belief in a way that commanded respect, not because he believed. And please don't pony up the tired "well, if his belief helped him endure, then respect the belief!" Really? Does anyone want to live in a world where everyone's held accountable to respecting the method as well as the outcome? That sounds like a postmodernist catastrophy. I'd beg you to consider the implications of that unreasonable expectation. We already groan under the burden of giving every moron with a micophone the chance to "add his two cents." By the time all 7 billion of us have done that, hopefully the species won't even exist anymore.
I digress.
I do respect another's right to a view different than mine, but I'm not required to pay that view homage. You, especially you, dear, little, rabid religionists, may believe any silly shit you desire. That is your right, and I respect your right to do so. I'm not obligated, however, to respect a belief or a view in any way whatsoever. Or even to appreciate that "there's more than one point of view." To do that, I -- me, myself, and I -- must find an alternate view valid, and if a poor job is done of making it be valid to me, well, then this is on you again, to be more persuasive, if it matters So Very Much To You that I come to believe your belief as well, or even hold it in some measure of respect.
Since when did respect become a priori? Since when is respect "OWED" before anything is said or done? Respect is earned, isn't it? And that would be my second criteria -- Get to earning, I say, and merely believing isn't earning.
Being told I must respect another's beliefs is equating a respect of them with their beliefs. Why do they confuse themselves with their views? "YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!" I want to say. "You are not your beliefs. You *hold* beliefs, and so does every other homo sapien on this planet. Do you, Obtuse Christian Boy, owe the Muslim and his beliefs respect? Do you politely nod your head and smile, and pretend to be tolerant, when in truth you seethe inside and condemn them for heathenism and even evil?" Who is being honest, the Smile and Nodders who pretend to respect but don't hold it, or the openly disdainful who are transparent and upfront about their denigration of a belief? Of what point is it to simper and offer the tired, meaningless "I respect your views, even though they are not mine." But I don't respect them ... why is it so desperately important that I do?
I'm quite convinced (I "hold this belief ..." natch) that the ones who spout the most about me dissin' their shit up in their hizzie are the same ones dissin' everyone else who lacks adherence to their belief systems. Isn't that at the very least hypocrisy, if not outright subterfuge? Didn't ole Yahweh have a stone-writing hissy fit of his own that featured condemnation of deception and misleading? Doesn't lying figure promimently in the proverbial "Ten Commandments?" And wasn't Yahweh's young pup, cut down so soon in the flower of his life by Dad's Grand Plan to off him because of other people's sin ... brilliant, that ... didn't Yeshiva himself condemn such duplicity? (Admittedly, he said very little about lying or subterfuge, but at least there's Matthew 15.19. Of course, immediately prior to this verse, in verse 16, he insults his followers by calling them "dull" for not getting his point more quickly. I'm being Jesus-like when I arrogantly insult you! Bonus!)
In addition to which, I will get nowhere in my desire to make this world a place where religionist rituals are only practiced at most in private if I allow any religionist to think I don't find him or her *at best* quaint or at worst delusional in those beliefs. If such a belief holder finds me arrogant for this? Well, then, good. I'm pretty proud of the work I've done to leave behind such 14th century thinking. If my arrogance makes such a believer wonder for even a moment that maybe they should be critical of their own beliefs, then this has been a productive day.
If my unwillingness to bow down to the fact that someone holds a thought in their heads makes me appear arrogant, that would seem to say far more about the other person and their lack of self-esteem issues than it does about me or what I think or don't think about their beliefs, or whether or not "I respect them." I've just been honest. You've been ... well, you fill in the blank yourself about what you've been. Here's a little help along that line though -- I've pricked you on your belief, because perhaps that is in fact *ALL* that you are. And we both know that's pretty sad.
Edward Gibbon sums up my view on this silliness pretty well: "I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect." Wouldn't the world be a better place if all the religious chest thumpers could just infer respect in the mere act of me speaking to them about their beliefs, instead of demanding that I take several steps into Talking Snake Land and "respect" their fairy tale earnestness? Mostly, however, I plan to remember this guidance and just avoid those who confuse themselves with their opinions, views, beliefs, and other intangibles in the future. Because I definitely do *not* respect that. (Those damn religionists will have me stooped to their own Smile and Noddism level in no time. Is that the same thing as "bringing me into the fold?" Has my proverbial soul just been proverbially saved? Nah.)
Peace out.