Rogue
Lately, I identify too much with Rogue from X-MEN, especially as she is personified in the movies. She is a tragic figure, given what her mutancy brings: involuntarily, she absorbs energy from others (strength, memories, even life), and in the case of other mutants and those with super powers, she temporarily takes on their powers, too. This is always potentially fatal contact for anyone Rogue touches; thus, she views her powers as a curse.People who are not familiar with the comics miss out on a further complication to Rogue. She was driven insane for a time by absorbing Carol Danver's (Ms. Marvel's) powers, a mutant who had special cognitive abilities. The comic does a great job of depicting a woman driven mad by the lingering presence of duality with such a strong person's consciousness.)Rogue resonates with me on so many levels. She is frequently overwhelmed by her loneliness, bitterness, envy, and despair. She is permanently distanced from others by what everyone else views as special powers but she views as a curse. She is haunted by someone within herself who is not herself. She is toxic, even lethal, to those who get too close to her. She is willing to give up the special powers in order to just be "like everyone else."I suppose in some ways I view my insights into others as a special power. I hate it. It prevents me from seeing reality most times, so I become enmeshed in what "could be" or "might be" and rarely "what is." And too often anger is my weapon of choice, so much so that it fuels too much of my daily movement: getting out of bed. Making my committments. Doing what I'm supposed to do every day so I can get up and do it over again the next day.I was reminded recently that anger is rarely a stand-alone emotion; it usually masks something else. Apparently, in my case it's sadness. Where that ocean of sadness comes from, what has caused such a huge hurt in me to fuel decades of anger ... I don't know. I just know I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of seeing things that aren't there.I'm tired of being Rogue in my world.