Friends with an Ex?
My father once oh-so-eloquently stated his reasons for never revisiting a failed relationship with a woman. He is a used car salesman by birth and by trade, so this comment while crass, comes as no surprise to me and is really dead on the money for me in why I have never remained friends with an ex:
"Never drive the same model twice."
That's my dad in a nutshell, I suspect. And it's solid advice in my world. If it did not work before, why would it work on a second attempt?
As a mature adult who is maybe a tad less wrapped up in the more superficial aspects of both car ownership and long-term relationships than my father, I understand that relationships that did not start in friendship are less likely to end in friendship.Thus, if there's no foundation of real friendship, it's unlikely (but not impossible, granted) that it will find friendship ever.
And honestly, I cannot think of too many (if any) intimate love relationships that I know TRULY started in nothing-but-friendship only to end in the same way. By my experience, it seems what appears to be merely friendship at first is truthfully just veiled chemistry of one kind or another, and it becomes freed over time to the truth of its nature, that being more sexual and less platonic. When these kinds of relationships fail, they find the same shifting sand foundation that they began upon -- and thus are not healthily sustainable as friendships in the end either.
Supposing that sexual relationships that truly DO begin in true-blue friendships ever fail (which seems rare since the parties go in with more than just chemical bonds keeping them together, thus they have a stronger foundation from the get-go) and assuming such relationships do in fact exist, I could see how those folks might remain friends as exes. Because they always have been friends.
I have a lot of trouble featuring those kinds of relationships, though. Call me whatever negative thing you want; my experience has been there are two kind of people on my radar -- those I'm physically attracted to, and those I am not. I don't think I can name a single example in my life where one transmuted from no physical appeal into the pool of Possible Bedfellows. When I was younger, I found it a little creepy to think I might ever want to bed a friend. That seemed like crossing a moral line or something.
As I have aged, though, I have seen the stronger likelihood of one class of person becoming another. I am, after all, a proponent of Friends With Benefits. Thus, I guess I should morph other Hard & Fast Rules and acquiesce that it's possible and even admirable to remain friends with an ex.